Ever wonder how werewolves handle leash laws? Or how angels deal with the FAA? What about vampires? How do they manage their estate planning?
For starters, if a person dies without a will, their family inherits their assets: the car, the house, the accounts. They all go to the spouse and/or children according to with state law.
But what if the person who died isn’t dead—because they’re undead?
Take Dracula for example. Imagine his kids decide they want dad’s Mercedes, the estate in Transylvania, and his collection of velvet-lined capes. So, they head to their local probate court. Dracula is dead after all, and the law says the kids are entitled to that stuff when he dies. And yet Dracula is standing in the middle of the courtroom (night court, obviously), objecting to their claims.
What’s the judge to do?
These are the kinds of questions that keep me up at night. (Sad, I know…) These are also the questions that led me to wonder: what would happen if the Greek myths were real?
What if Sirens, with their beautiful, mind-controlling voices, walked among us? Would they work as hypnotists? A single visit could help you quit smoking, stick to your budget, and ditch your toxic relationships. Or…would advertisers hire them to record jingles? (Side note: Is this why I can never get the Meow Mix song out of my head?!)
Muses? They’d be hired into Hollywood writers’ rooms, recording studios, and advertising firms. Although let’s be real: the Queen of Muses already walks among us. And her name is Beyoncé. (Or, wait…is she a Siren? I think I need to listen to Lemonade one more time to find out.)
And Cupids? What if you could walk into your local Wal-Mart, buy your groceries, and hire a Cupid to make someone lust after you—how would the world react? Our love lives wouldn’t be the only things getting more complicated, that’s for sure. Regulations would pop up in every state.
I imagine those regulations would look something like this:
Cupid Rules of Professional Conduct § 7.1
Persons engaged in Cupiding shall be prohibited from advertisement as Dr. Love, the Heart Doctor, or similar monikers unless separately licensed with their state to practice cardiology.
Code of Cupid Regulations § 981.04
Affection service providers shall report any unintentional enchantments or adverse love incidents that are both serious and unexpected within thirty days, and within five days after any amputation, loss of eye, or fatal attraction.
Like I said, these are the kinds of questions that keep me up at night. And if you buy a copy of Crazy Cupid Love they can keep you up all night too. Or maybe the friends-to-lovers, forbidden romance between two Cupids in the modern world will be enough to keep you awake until the wee hours.
Just look out for Dracula and his money-grubbing kids.
Amanda Heger is a writer, attorney, and bookworm. She lives in Maryland with her unruly rescue dogs and a husband who encourages her delusions of grandeur. Her debut novel, Crazy Cupid Love, came out with Sourcebooks Casablanca in January.